Our life in 2012

Holy Cow!  Yes, we are still alive!  SO SO MUCH has happened since I last blogged!  Elder Thomas and Elder Bean are both doing great in the mission field, we built and moved into our new home, I was very blessed with a healthy pregnancy (other than the 50 pounds I gained from retaining TONS of water), I survived child birth, and I am now a full time stay at home mom to a beautiful little girl while Matt works hard for our little family!  2012 was a great year for us!  We had lots of changes, but they were all so good!

I typed up Brittlyn's birth story a few days after she was born just so I had it in my journal.  I have pasted it on this post but it is VERRRYYYY long so I don't blame you if you would like to skip over it!

I went in to the doctor on Monday 09/10 and Dr. Bean stripped my membranes for the second time.  He said he was able to get me to a full 1” and wanted to see if that would help get the process going.  I waited a few days and nothing happened. 

On Thursday 09/13, I went in to work feeling huge and pregnant like normal.  About midmorning and throughout the rest of the work day I was having strong contracts about every 10-15 minutes.  I texted Matt to let him know, but told him it could still be some time because they were not painful at all.  I had pretty much convinced myself that I would carry past my due date and would have to be induced.  I was counting these contractions as false labor and didn’t think much of it.  I went home that night after work and the contractions stopped.  I cooked dinner and then went to bed. 

Matt got home from work around 2:00 am and that is about the time my contractions started again.  They were strong but not super painful.  They were, however, painful enough that I couldn’t lay there and sleep anymore so I decided to get up and walk around for a little bit.  As the night progressed they continued to get stronger and more painful.  I still was convinced this was false labor and didn’t want to go in to the hospital for fear of them sending me home!  I woke Matt up (from the little sleep he got) at about 5:30am and told him I was in a lot of pain but I didn’t know what to do because I was not in “real” labor.  He decided we should time them, so from about 5:30 am to about 8:00am we timed each one.  They got more consistent, between 4-5 minutes, and way more painful.  I would pace around the house and when one came on I would grab on to the wall and get myself through it.  Finally at about 8:00am, I made the decision to go to the hospital just to see what was going on.  In the back of my mind I was still convinced they would just check my dialation and send me home and tell me to stay tough and come back if things got worse. 

Matt and I both showered and headed up to American Fork Hospital.  (I still can’t believe I got through that shower.  It was so painful!)  I was still having contractions and now they were about 3-4 minutes apart.  I could get through them easier if I was standing up, so needless to say, the car ride to the hospital was not pleasant as I would have to get through them sitting down. 

We got to the hospital and they wanted to check me.  They had me put on a gown and lay on a bed and they placed monitors on my tummy.  They watched Brittlyn’s heartbeat, my blood pressure, and they also checked my dialation.  I was measuring at a 3 and they said everything looked great with Brittlyn.  My blood pressure, however, was  169 which was way to high due to me being in so much pain.  They admitted me right away instead of making me be “on watch” for an hour to see if I progressed. 

I couldn’t believe I was getting admitted.  I was going to have a baby.  I wasn’t ready.  I was so nervous.  It was so unreal!  I couldn’t believe I would not be leaving the hospital without our little girl in my arms.  I was so scared.  Scared for the epidural, scared to push a baby out, scared to have this little miracle that was going to rely on me for everything.  The whole 9 months of pregnancy just caught up to me and I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. 

They moved me to a room and had me stay in the robe and get on a more comfortable bed.  I was still having more and more painful contractions and just trying to breathe through them every 2-3 minutes all while trying to answer questions from the nurses.  They ordered my epidural and came in to give me my IV.  The nurse tried giving it in my left hand first (which KILLED) and couldn’t find a good vein, then my right hand (hurt WORSE), couldn’t find a good vein, so she put in in my right arm.  The worst part was having the nurses fish around in my hands while having contractions!  The nurse also took blood to send down to the lab to test it just to make sure everything looked good.

I waited about an hour for my epidural and when the anesthegologist came in to give me the epidural, I freaked out!  I was so scared it was going to kill!  I worried for nothing!  The worst part was the numbing shot, but it more just made me jump from the poke.  Within about 15 minutes of receiving the epidural, I felt AMAZING!  I felt I could finally settle down and maybe get a little sleep because I had been up the whole night before. 

After my epidural, we called family and our bosses at work to let them know we had been admitted and we were going to have a baby!

After about an hour of having my epidural, Dr. Aagard (the on-call doctor) came in and broke my water.  After he broke my water I went from a 4 to a 5 very quickly.  I figured I still had quite a bit of time though, so Matt and I relaxed and I watched the monitor as I would have contractions every 2-3 minutes.  It was quiet in the room for about an hour and I remember just feeling so peaceful.  I was so excited and nervous and couldn’t quite wrap my head around what was happening. 

The nurse came in at about 3:00 pm and checked me to see what I was measuring.  I measured at a 6, so again I figured I would be in labor all night and end up pushing much later that night.  I was checked again at 4:00 and was at an 8 and they told me I would probably start pushing in about an hour.  Cara and Robbie were in the room a few hours before I started pushing and I remember a few times where I would just start shaking uncontrollably.  I was so nervous and couldn’t relax.  

The nurse came back in a little before 5:00 and started getting everything ready for me to start pushing.   I had Matt give me a blessing that everything would go well and it helped calm my nerves a ton. My doctor, Dr. Bean, ended up being the doctor to come in to the hospital.  I was so relieved to know he would be the one there.   The nurse showed Matt where she wanted him to stand and help while I pushed and she got on the other side of me and told me to push while she counted.  A contraction would come and she would begin counting while I would push.  I began crowning and after I would get done pushing I would have to cough because of the nasty cold that I had.  When I would cough, Matt and the nurse could see the baby’s head poke out more.  The nurse told me not to cough or push until Dr. Bean got in the room.

Dr. Bean came into the room at about 5:15.  The nurse would wait for a contraction and then tell me to push.  I never pushed so hard in my life, but I also remember hoping I was using the right muscles to push.  I couldn’t feel hardly anything but a little pressure.  She had me push 2 sets and then I remember Matt saying that he could see her head and she had a lot of hair.  Dr. Bean told me I was starting to tear a little bit and asked if it was ok if he did an episiotomy.  I told him it was ok and he said it would be a very small cut.  I then pushed for 2 more sets and then she was out. 

Dr. Bean laid her on my tummy and had Matt cut the short umbilical cord.  I touched her head while she laid there and cried for a minute.  I was overwhelmed with so many emotions that I can’t even find the words to describe the things I was feeling. She was just so perfect and did have so much hair!  They took her to clean her up and Matt went over with her while they weighed her and measured her.  She weighed in at 7lbs 1oz and was 18.5in long.  

I had so many thoughts going through my head while the doctor finished with me.  I couldn’t believe how much easier that was than I thought it was going to be.  I couldn’t believe my daughter was here already.  I couldn’t believe how much love I was feeling at that time.  I was so grateful she was here and she was healthy and whole. 

They wrapped her in a blanket and brought her over to me and I held her for the first time.  Another wave of emotions came over me and I couldn’t believe how much I loved this little girl who was just minutes old.  I also remember looking at Matt and feeling a stronger connection to him than I have ever felt before.  This was so amazing.  This moment was one I will never forget.

Physically I felt really good and no pain (the epidural hadn’t worn off yet), emotionally I felt complete and whole, spiritually I felt my Heavenly Father so close to us.  I was so proud of my little family.  I was so proud of Matt and how good he was at supporting me through that process, and I was so proud to be Brittlyn’s mom.  I knew she had so much potential and she was so special!

After a few hours in the delivery room, Matt and Brittlyn went to the nursery where she was given her first bath and I was taken down to Mother Baby.  We spent the next two nights at the hospital and had very little sleep.  We were discharged from the hospital on Sunday afternoon (9/16) and headed home.  We stopped by Grandma and Grandpa Bean’s house so they could see her.  When we got home, Max was super overwhelmed and excited to see us and Mindy had dinner in the crock pot ready for us, which was more perfect than we could have even hoped for.  We were exhausted and just so happy to be home!

Each day I have her here with me I have become more proud of her.  My love deepens for her and Matt.  My priorities in my own life have shifted so much.  My life now is dedicated to being the best mom and wife that I can.  I never want Brittlyn to second guess my love and support for her.  I want Matt to always know I love him so much and am so grateful for the hard work he does for our little family.  Life is so different than it was, even the day before she was born.  But, it is a good different.  It is hard to have a newborn, but I know it is worth it.  I am so so grateful for such a healthy pregnancy and baby girl.

Life with a 4 month old is the hardest and best thing I have ever experienced!  Everyday is different.  It definitely keeps me on my toes!  I am so overwhelmed with how amazing she is.  I see all her potential and it scares me to death to be responsible for this little person, but I am SO grateful for the challenge!  I honestly don't remember what life was like before her.  We love her so much and are so amazed with how fast she is growing and developing.  Yes, she may be in the 95% for her weight, but we still love our little Tubby girl!  She sleeps about 12+ hours a night.  I normally have to go wake her up in the mornings because I need to nurse her before I explode. (sorry TMI)  She is happy and very good natured!

We hope everyone else had a wonderful 2012 and hope that in 2013 we can all keep our resolutions (haha) and have better year than the last!  :)